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Yahoo does love the ladies [Oct. 12th, 2007|11:50 am]
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Apparently Yahoo is greatly concerned about the lives of single women. Here's there featured article box from the last two days:





This advice is provided by those most attuned to the true needs of women navigating modern social dynamics: Some Dude.

Though I've included many insightful excerpts below, a quick summary for you gals on the go: Lower your standards for men and start working harder to please them. And I mean harder, because lord knows, merely being in your presence is work enough for dudes. As for men, well---you might consider hot chicks outside your primary criteria.

Warning: The following material may make you say "Ow, my oves!" or damage your vision with excessive eye-rolling.

[Edited to add: Ellipses are mine. Because Some Dudes need to use filler phrases, even in Yahoo.]
Setting the Bar Too High: Are you sabotaging your dating options? By Evan Marc Katz

Last year, I met two women at a Halloween party. Both were in their mid-30s and were kind, passionate and intelligent. And yet I fear that they will remain single for a lot longer than they desire. Why? Because of all the arbitrary rules they've set up for what Mr. Right is supposed to be like.

"Well, first of all, I'm Jewish, so that's a deal breaker right there."

OK, I thought. Jews only make up 2 percent of the U.S. population, but preserving a religious tradition is a very common desire...

In real life, if you start talking to someone at a party who is intriguing, you'll probably get a phone number and set up a date. You may not find out until later that he's a different religion, or political party....For example, I've got a male dating-coaching client who is 24 and runs a multimillion-dollar corporation. He never got a college degree, so he wouldn't appear in many women's educational searches. Too bad for them. I've got a female client who is 64 and still goes hiking, fishing and skiing. She's beautiful, youthful and vibrant, and completely off the radar for most men. It's a shame, isn't it?

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of two books: "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book - A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating" and "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad."

Mysteries of the Sexes Explained: 8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men by David Zinczenko

Ask a group of guys what turns them on about a woman, and you'll sometimes get the predictable answers: full lips, full bosom, full booty...But a lot of women fulfill those requirements already. So what makes certain women boy magnets, and leaves others spending Saturday nights watching Saturday Night Live skits?

1. Standing Tall...A woman who stands tall typically a) dresses well, b) exercises often, and c) is confident about her body and what it's good for.

2. True Grit...Men know that women cry...But there's something insanely attractive about women who can bite their lips, buck up, and grit out some of life's twists, turns, sprains, and pains.

3. Baseball Caps...The look sends all kinds of messages about the kind of woman she is: sporty, strong, comfortable kicking back...

4. Software Savvy...Maybe it's a giant sexual metaphor, but women like men who know hardware, and men like women who know software...There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to. (That is, as long as the buttons she pushes aren't his.)

5. Sexy Shampoo...While it's true that men need their share of eye candy, they also are mightily turned on by the olfactory sweets, as well....the smell of her freshly washed hair

6. Understated Underwear...Slinky and small lingerie works for...seduce-me moments. But the look that makes men feel both comfortable and excited is when she's wearing boxers (waistband rolled) and a thin-as-can-be T-shirt that's neither too tight nor too big.

7. Dirt and Sweat...The woman who hikes, bikes, mows the lawn, hacks trees and branches, and otherwise pulls her weight. Seeing the dirt, mud, sweat, and occasional road rash is something that stokes our primal side.

8. A Few "Duh" Moments...Men like smart women...But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness....if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help.

Mysteries of the Sexes Explained: 5 Ways to Keep Your Man From Straying by David Zinczenko

1. Circle the calendar...having a shared vision of the future - with amazing things on the horizon, be it vacations or parties with friends or special nights out - you keep him (and his pleasure center) pumped about the future.

In a way, it's just like managing employees; to keep them focused and determined, they have to feel like they're taking on new challenges and meeting new goals. If not, they're more likely to sneak around - and get their satisfaction elsewhere.

2. Plan Scrabble night...One national survey showed that 54 percent of men want to spend more quality time with their wives - indicating that they're dying to have more shared experiences and a little less routine. (Of course, 79 percent of men want at least some of that quality time to be in bed, but that's a different story.)

3. Send him off on guy getaways...While there's always that danger, the upside is that sending him off with his buddies shows that you respect his free time and his need for adventure...A lot of guys cheat because they're getting old and they feel like they're losing their edge. But a guy who can continually feed that adventurous side in innocent ways will be less likely to gorge it in guilty ways.

4. Protect his brain...men who have healthy prefrontal activity tend to have more empathy and thus make better husbands. How can you keep his cortex firing in a healthy way? ...You can also help him by setting goals and sticking to them - the prefrontal cortex is all about anticipation and planning. All the more reason to follow reason No. 1 above and put that calendar to good use.

5. Give him a boost...Some guys stray over self-esteem issues. Most of the time, it's because it's too low, and he may cheat to feel better about himself...In a MensHealth.com survey, 38 percent of men said that they rarely or never are complimented by their partners, and less than a quarter of men are regularly complimented.
To conclude: men are slovenly beasts but also totally needy whiny bitches, so woman-up and start catering, because these feral babies won't stick around for just anything.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: freetaco
2007-10-12 05:25 pm (UTC)

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I hate Evan Marc Katz with every fiber of my being right now.

[User Picture]From: fengi
2007-10-12 05:41 pm (UTC)

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To be fair, at least Katz admits men have high standards as well, even if his column is clearly meant primarily for women. David Zinczenko, though, is the type of guy who might as well be kicking his friends in the balls every time he types.
[User Picture]From: freetaco
2007-10-12 06:00 pm (UTC)

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>> David Zinczenko, though, is the type of guy who might as well be kicking his friends in the balls every time he types.

Didn't Kafka write a story like that?
[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2007-10-12 06:17 pm (UTC)

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I gotta disagree. With the caveat that all of these kind of articles are really about what the writer wants in a mate but the other caveat that women have said just as inane things to men about what women want (like this one girl that wanted to set me up with one of her friends but only after she completely changed my wardrobe because normal women want men in Brooks Brothers suits - and she'd known me for two years and she thinks I want a NORMAL woman?)

but Zinczenko only seems to be saying that men want strong women that don't need them (the mowing the lawn and fixing the computer bits) but want them and actually make them know that they're wanted (which is pretty universal in couple dynamics - no matter who you are dating, you want to think that they actually want you around and compliments aren't so hard).

Except for that whole baseball cap deal. I don't get that.
[User Picture]From: hassibah
2007-10-12 08:28 pm (UTC)

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i'm lumping #3 in with number #2, maybe #6 in that he's saying he doesn't want a fag. i was reading some article a while ago about how you should eat meat on dates because vegetarians are obviously flaky/obsessed with dieting, or possibly lesbians.
[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2007-10-12 06:18 pm (UTC)

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Actually I was going to say that Katz sounded like a moron.
[User Picture]From: fengi
2007-10-12 06:29 pm (UTC)

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True, especially the whole condescending attitude towards religious preferences (which is not lessened when you're talking about your own group).

The thing is the sentiments express follow a formula which is as sound as far as every dating article. The problem is the talking down and sneaky sexist phrases used to express it. "Smart - but only with computers, not power tools, those are BOY thing. Good posture - because that means you know how to fuck!" Which, if you want to date an asshat who thinks he "gets" women and says stupid things he assumes they want to hear, I guess is useful.
[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2007-10-12 05:31 pm (UTC)

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> her body and what it's good for.

What a great phrase that is. It so perfectly ecapsulates misgynist objectification. Or, to put it another way, EUCH. BLEAH.

Oh, awful. just awful. awful. What can one say? Where to begin? Awful.
[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2007-10-12 05:36 pm (UTC)

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God. Just SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. UGH! Every word I read it gets WORSE. SHUT UP
[User Picture]From: sashash
2007-10-12 05:55 pm (UTC)

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4. Software Savvy...Maybe it's a giant sexual metaphor, but women like men who know hardware, and men like women who know software...There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to. (That is, as long as the buttons she pushes aren't his.)

at this point it's safe to stop reading. that's not an opinion.
[User Picture]From: alexparker
2007-10-12 05:53 pm (UTC)

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exactly.
[User Picture]From: mehinda
2007-10-12 06:08 pm (UTC)

It's all so clear now!

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In a way, it's just like managing employees; to keep them focused and determined, they have to feel like they're taking on new challenges and meeting new goals. If not, they're more likely to sneak around - and get their satisfaction elsewhere.

There's a reason I won't go into management. And I guess there's a reason I eschew romantic relationships too.


Jeez louise these guys are bad.
[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2007-10-12 06:20 pm (UTC)

Re: It's all so clear now!

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Yeah, that's pretty awful. Nothing sexier than buzz words and management techniques.
[User Picture]From: mehinda
2007-10-12 06:24 pm (UTC)

I'm architecting the perfect relationship, solutioning problems before they arise!

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"Honey, I'm going to calendarize this boys' night out for you and put together an action plan for things you all can do: poker, bar night, sports night. I'll re-configure your palm pilot pylons to sync with your calendar (since I'm such a whiz at software). But you know you're also free to come up with your own activities. Think outside the box, as long as outside the box doesn't include strip clubs."
[User Picture]From: fengi
2007-10-12 06:37 pm (UTC)

Re: I'm architecting the perfect relationship, solutioning problems before they arise!

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Bwah!

I dated a financial manager who once said she had a vision during sex of her orgasm as 3-D dynamic pie chart with pleasure as an increasing value, but she was being witty about her focus while starting a new job.
[User Picture]From: liveavatar
2007-10-12 06:56 pm (UTC)

Re: It's all so clear now!

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God *damn* it, that made my brain automatically apply my current least favorite management buzzphrase to sex: "Work smarter, not harder."

I needed to take a shower anyway.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: saltbox
2007-10-12 09:52 pm (UTC)

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And why do shared religious and political beliefs count as arbitrary criteria? I wouldn't want to date a rightwing antichoicer, or an Eustonite who thinks science has conclusively ruled out the existence of male bisexuals.

Ditto. And hey, my "dating requirements" have worked out a-okay for me! I mean, part of how people develop such "requirements" is they base them on experiences they've had in the past. It's called learning. Me, I rule out profit-oriented folks and libertarians and people who really like to drive. And reading is mandatory. Because I know from experience that without these "requirements," any relationship will be filled with strife. Why not avoid it? Dating is not so important that it's worth fighting all the damn time.
[User Picture]From: sabotabby
2007-10-13 04:13 pm (UTC)

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I think this is the most offensive bit for me too, besides the "moments of ditziness." Religious beliefs, political beliefs, and educational background* are all more likely to be deal-breakers than money or good looks. It seems that every "why are you still single?" article has to include something like this, lambasting women for wanting to date a guy who can hold his own in a conversation. We are all such snobs.

Then again, my unfair and exacting standards don't seem to stop me from getting laid, even without a baseball hat.

* Formal or informal. I'm not that elitist.
[User Picture]From: imperialshotgun
2007-10-12 07:25 pm (UTC)

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Baseball caps on women are not sexy ladies! Just another reason to not listen to the asshats at Yahoo.
[User Picture]From: shaenon
2007-10-12 07:42 pm (UTC)

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I like the first Zinczenko list because it starts with the assumption that the women reading this are full-lipped, full-bosomed, bootylicious babes...and then continues from there. Because that's not enough to keep Joe Six-Pack happy! You also have to act like a sexy tomboy, but a mildly retarded sexy tomboy. That way, men won't have to put up with yicky girl behavior from you, but they also won't be threatened by the possibility that you might be their equal. And if you can't pull off that balancing act, get used to a lifetime of lonely Saturday nights, sister!

I don't think I've ever seen a "how to snag a man" article that was more transparently about the writer's personal preferences. I guess if I wanted to date David Zinczenko specifically, it'd be useful to know that he wants a baseball-cap-wearing woman who will mow his lawn and fix his computer but also play dumb and helpless to inflate his ego. I'm just not sure if that information is going to be useful in the larger dating scene.

How does one get a job writing features for the Yahoo frontpage, anyway? It looks pretty easy.
[User Picture]From: fengi
2007-10-12 07:43 pm (UTC)

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1. Be a dude.

2. ????

3. Insightful observations posted!
[User Picture]From: marieoroumania
2007-10-12 07:55 pm (UTC)

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Well holy shit I think I just figured out why I'm not married yet.
[User Picture]From: mr_quackenbush
2007-10-12 09:03 pm (UTC)

how to turn a guy on in one simple step

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1.) make it abundantly clear that you really like having sex with him and there just aren't enough hours in the day for all the busy you want to get.

end of story really. i personally have never needed nor wanted anything more than that in a sexual relationship. sure there are specific things that are hot, but those are going to vary from guy to guy. for instance, i really don't think most men think big fluffy socks and over sized t-shirts are as hot as i think they are. and yeah, i don't get the baseball cap thing. but what it really comes down to is that there is no algorithm for a satisfying love life, and it's a shame that so many women (given how many articles of this kind get written directed at women, it seems safe to assume this) think that that's not the case.
From: insanitypepper
2007-10-13 01:57 am (UTC)

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Hm, no wonder I'm single. I have the wrong underwear and no baseball caps. Oh yeah, and while I believe in complimenting people, I don't believe in constantly stroking their egos just so they'll hang around me. Looks like it's Spinsterville for me.
[User Picture]From: grumpygranola
2007-10-13 02:59 pm (UTC)

the secret

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A study was done a while back tracking couples. After all the paradigms and research and fancy buzz words, it boiled-down to one key thing: The couples that lasted were nice to each other.

All these advice columns and books and clap-trap miss the mark. Don't worry about being nice or dealing with whatever issues you have which make it difficult for you to express empathy or concern for your fellow beings, just worry about your underpants and accessories? WTF?

A bit of wisdom I've learned in handling divorce cases: "Pigs marry pigs. Swans marry swans." (Appalachian wisdom at its finest!)
[User Picture]From: sabotabby
2007-10-13 06:26 pm (UTC)

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P.S. Why all the ellipses? Did Zinczenko keep pausing to masturbate while writing this article?
[User Picture]From: fengi
2007-10-13 06:41 pm (UTC)

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No that's me cutting out redundant sentences - this post would be twice as long without them. There was a lot of "good posture is important and we like good posture".
[User Picture]From: fengi
2007-10-14 04:55 pm (UTC)

Punkass LJ RSS?

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Does punkass have an rss feed for LJ?
[User Picture]From: sabotabby
2007-10-14 07:33 pm (UTC)

Re: Punkass LJ RSS?

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There's one for my stuff (http://syndicated.livejournal.com/punkassbotabby/profile), but I don't think there's one for the whole site.