| Gentrified Dreams |
[Apr. 27th, 2007|05:21 pm] |
Here's I know Chicago is becoming a City rather than a city where one lives: I used to have nightmares about monsters, now they're about real estate.
Last night I had an exceptionally vivid nightmare. They type which had me struggling awake in tooth-grinding tension and sitting on my couch in the wee hours until I calmed down enough to go to bed.
Usually these things involve extreme fears (zombies, gigantic savage beasts, apocalyptic scenarios) more plausible fears (getting shot, falling down stairs, car wrecks) scenarios of abject humiliation and abandonment (my loved ones dying or denouncing me) or creative varitions of the worst moment of my life.
Last night I dreamt I had to find a new apartment and my only options had a far higher rent for far less space. My new place was shiny but tiny - slick design which failed to cover up how it was essentailly a glorified dorm room. I could not reconcile the idea of living there as an adult - an adult who had once known multiple rooms - an adult in a city which I love deeply but is not of the New York/London/Paris/metro city of worth even if you live in a closet. Then I thought about how once decent space was available to all but the most destitute in this town and suddenly I was many people, racing round and round looking for new digs, every place smaller than the last.
I've had all kinds of anxieties and self-doubts disrupt my sleep, but this was the first time it involved something as abstract as general trends in real estate.
Now that I've had a day to reflect, I know where it came from. The Reader had a feature article about people making creative use of their living spaces, with profiles of 6 apartments including square footage and montly rent. It was meant as a home design fluff piece, but for me it was depressing. Even in 2001 it was possible to pay less than a dollar per foot and live near good public transport with heat included.
Plus, and I can't believe I didn't remember this, three years ago this month I had the worst apartment search of my life. The saga starts here. I ended up moving to a smaller space, but my rent per foot ratio remained the same and I'm living even closer to public transportation in a better neighborhood, so I was satisfied.
I think some part of my mind realizes "this shall not happen again" and unless I start earning more money or resign myself to a longer commute, I will not move up in space. |
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